MyLaffs Joke #2348

DELIA'S TIPS FOR HOUSEWIVES.

(TDW = The Delia Way --- RWW = Real Woman's Way)

TDW #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.
RWW #1: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake, you're probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
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TDW #2: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
RWW #2: Buy Instant Mash and keep it in the cupboard for up to a year. Or go to out to eat.
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TDW #3: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
RWW #3: Go to the supermarket. They'll even decorate it for you.
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TDW #4: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up".
RWW #4: If you over salt a dish while you're cooking, that's tough. Please recite with me The Real Women's mantra: I made it and you will eat it with a smile on your face and I don't care how bad it tastes. And if you don't like it, "COOK THEM YOURSELVES!"
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TDW #5: Wrap celery in foil when putting in the fridge and it will keep for weeks.
RWW #5: Celery?
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TDW #6: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
RWW #6: The directions on the box do not include brushing egg whites over the crust and so I don't do it.
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TDW #7: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using rubber gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
RWW #7: Put on makeup, perfume and a disarmingly casual but revealing shirt with your jeans. Go ask the very gorgeous neighbour to do it. You never know where this may lead.
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TDW #8: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
RWW #8: Leftover wine?
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TDW #9: When catering for an evening buffet, calculate food portions and timings a week in advance, so that you're not rushing on the night.
RWW #9: Nip into the supermarket on your way home that evening, and buy everything in packets. Or better, get it delivered from the Internet.
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TDW #10: Be careful when melting chocolate, if it is overheated it will go dry and crumbly and you will have to throw it away.
RWW #10: THROW AWAY CHOCOLATE, NEVER!!?!?! Eat it off the wooden spoon while you melt the next lot.
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TDW #11:When you have finished the preparation for your buffet, wash up and treat yourself to a glass of wine.
RWW #11: Throw out all the packets and drain the last of that "pre-dinner" wine bottle...