MyLaffs Joke #2299
LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL MATH EXAM (WITH CORRECT ANSWERS)
Q1: Johnny has an AK47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots
and shoots 15 times each drive by, how many drive by shootings must he conduct
before he shoots 50 people?
A1: Johnny hits 15*(4/10) people per drive by, which means that he will have
to participate in 9 drive bys to shoot 50 people. However, he will have
completed two drive-by shootings and be just starting the third when he has to
reload. Since he only stole a single clip, he'll only have shot 16 people when
the homeboys with the UZIs' make Swiss cheese out of him.
~~~~~
Q2: Pony has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320
and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance
of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?
A2: At 454 grams per pound, 2oz of the rock = 56.75 grams. An "8
ball" is 8 grams, so pony has sold 10 grams total and has 46.75 grams
left. If he keeps selling 8-balls, he can sell 5 more (for a total of
5*$320=$1,600) and have 6.75 grams for his own nose. If he sells 2 gram packs,
he can sell (46/2-23) packs at $85 apiece = (23*$85)=$1,955. However, he could
divide it into small parts, bake it up into crack and sell the rocks for an
even larger profit. This problem is really more suited for the Gang
Multi-Variable Economics Test.
~~~~~
Q3: Ron is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many
tricks will each have to turn so Ron can pay for his $800 per day crack habit.
A3: 800/$64=12 tricks plus a dance. Also, Ron should consider making a deal
with Pony from Question #2.
~~~~~
Q4: Susan wants to cut her 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How
many ounces of cut will she need?
A4: If she sells the cut heroin at the same price per unit volume, she will
need 20% more volume. 20% of 1/2 pound (=8oz) is 1.6oz. So, Susan will need
1.6oz of cut to add to the 8 oz of heroin to get 20% more volume. She will
want a cut which looks similar to raw heroin and has approximately the same
melting point. Plain sugar or laundry detergent are suggested. Laundry
detergent has the added benefit of removing the possibility of customer
complaints, but will sharply limit repeat business.
~~~~~
Q5: Blade gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4x4.
If he has already stolen 2BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevy's will he have to
steal to make $800?
A5: Blade has made 2*$200 + 3*$100=$700 dollars from his theft so far. He
needs $100 more, so he needs to steal $100/$50=2 more Chevy's. However, he
will probably want to steal 4 Chevy's so he can take the extra two and make a
really def low-rider.
~~~~~
Q6: Little Willy is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $25,000 for the
hit. If his common law wife is spending $250 per month, how much money will be
left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing the
bitch that spent his money?
A6: 6 years*12 months/year*$250/month=$18,000. Little Willy will have $25,000
- $18,000 = $7,000 left when he gets out of prison. If Little Willy kills her
in the USA, he should expect to get 6 years. However, if he takes her down to
Mexico and buries her scrawny, track-marked butt in the desert, he can get off
scott free.
~~~~~
Q7: If the average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet, and the average
letter is 4 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of
paint?
A7: 3 cans of paint will cover 3*22=66 square feet. 66/4=16 letters with a
little paint left over to spray in the eyes of the cop who's comin' after you.
Or the tagger could do 15 letters and a bitchin' skull.
~~~~~
Q8: Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang.
What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?
A8: 6/27=22% of the girls. However, 2 of them are lying because they've been
sleeping with Pedro, Hector's lieutenant. So, in actuality, Hector only
knocked up 4/27 or 14.8%.
~~~~~
Q9: Rosie's sole source of income is shoplifting. If she gets 10 cents on the
dollar from her fence, how much merchandise must she shoplift each week to
make $250.
A9: Solve X/10=250 for X, X=$2,500.
~~~~~
Q10: Mike carjacked a Chevy Camaro for his date Saturday night with his young
14 year old girlfriend. He was arrested that night while making his girlfriend
in the backseat. How much prison time is he looking for for the carjacking and
for statutory rape, even though the girl looked legal? Assume no prior
convictions in arriving at your answer.
A10: Mike is only 12 so he will serve no time and will be making his
girlfriend in the lot in someone else's car next Saturday.