MyLaffs Joke #2252

AGES OF MAN
Childhood
Age 6 - I've learnt that sometimes my ding-ding get hard and stands up.
Age 9 - I've learnt that pissing in your sister's shoes gets you belted over the ear from your dad.
Puberty
Age 13 - I've learnt that getting your hands down a girl's pants makes you a legend at school.
Age 15 - I've learnt that girls use their teeth when they suck your dick sometimes.
Age 17 - I've learnt that getting laid is the primary reason for my existence.
The 20's
Age 21 - I've learnt that getting laid is the primary reason for my existence.
Age 24 - I've learnt that getting laid is the primary reason for my existence.
Age 28 - I've learnt that getting laid now involves me also being extremely rich.
The 30's
Age 31 - I've learnt that everyone in the world except me, my three best friends and my immediate family are fucked.
Age 35 - I've learnt that women are money-grabbing bitches, and that you should only fuck 18-year-olds.
Age 37 - I've learnt that drugs are a totally acceptable way to cope with reality.
Mid-life crisis
Age 40 - I've learnt that fucking a 20-year-old girl and at the same time drinking a bottle of 1961 Chateau Margaux is about the most pleasurable thing in the world.
Age 45 - I've learnt that it doesn't matter how old you are, and how much you fart, drink, and sweat, young girls will still tell you that you are sexy if you have a shit-load of cash.
The 50's
Age 52 - I've learnt that I have contempt for other people that rivals the world in size.
Age 57 - I've learnt that old people shit me, and that young people piss me off, and that my friends never shut up about their bloody kids, when all I want to do is have sex and get drunk.
Give me drugs
Age 62 - I've learnt that modern medicine can cure all my ailments, so I drink and abuse my body as hard as I can, and trust myself to my physician.
Age 67 - I've learnt that liver, lung and heart transplants aren't so bad.
Still hanging on
Age 74 - I've learnt that Viagra remakes the man, and that money is the sexiest aspect of any man.
Over the hill
Age 81 - I've learnt that Anna-Nicole Smith is not the only double-D breasted blonde who will fuck an old fat guy with a smile on her face just to get a shot at his inheritance.
Age 85 - I've learnt that pissing yourself in front of young people is kind of enjoyable, and that when you are in your mid-80's you can say the most hateful, hurtful and mean things and get away with it.
Not dead yet!
Age 92 - I've learnt that I didn't do enough women, didn't snort enough coke, and didn't drink enough good red wine, because I am still fucking alive.