MyLaffs Joke #2180
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university physicists. The element, tentatively named Administratium (Ad), has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0 and falls outside the natural patterns exhibited by other elements. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistants to the vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force involving the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called 'memos'.
Because it has no protons or electrons, Administratium is inert. Nonetheless, it can be detected chemically, in that it impedes every reaction with which it is present. According to the discoverers, even a small amount of Administratium makes one reaction which normally lasts less than one second take more than 4 days to complete.
Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years. It does not actually decay. Instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which a vice neutron, assistants to the vice neutron, and certain assistants to the neutron exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increased after each reorganization, although this is yet to be explained.
Another phenomenon which has been observed, as expected from the mechanics of minute particles, is that the more one tries to pin down the position of the vice neutrons within the structure of Administratium, the more uncertain these positions become.
Within a short time of the discovery being announced, the existence of the element was confirmed in laboratories around the world. In addition, a team at the University of Alberta told a press conference they had been able to create Administratium in fusion experiments conducted at room temperature. Using highly sophisticated probability detectors, the team had monitored a stream of 'memos' from a fax-mounted device. Dr. May B. No and her associate, Dr. May B. Yes, said the details of the experiment were being kept confidential, pending further development of the data. But, they claimed, there were definitely more 'memos' that came out of the device than went in!
Researchers at other laboratories indicated that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as universities, government agencies, large corporations, and schools. The element can even be found in the newest, best-appointed and best-maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results are not promising.
Trade Unions have requested that workers be protected from this deadly element and the government has promised to set up a committee to look into it.
