MyLaffs Joke #1964
Lord Ponsonby called Jeeves, "Jeeves, could you ride down to the village and fetch a bottle of whisky, a box of cigars and a few ounces of snuff. That freeloading Greg Sears will be calling in this afternoon."
Jeeves mounted his trusty bicycle and was off on his errand. It was not until the return trip and he had peddled up the long hill to the manor gates that he realized he had forgotten the snuff.
What to do? It was too hot and too far to ride back down to the village. By chance the problem was solved, right there on the nature strip was some dog shit, three of those white eggs dogs leave in neat little clumps. When dried in the sun and ground back to powder it looks for all the world like snuff.
Did he dare take the chance?
Jeeves quickly bend down, snatched up the three portions and put them in his pocket.
"Did you get the whisky, Jeeves?"
"Yes, M'lord."
"And the cigars, and the snuff?"
"Yes, M'lord," said Jeeves as he prepared to leave the room.
"I say, Jeeves," said Lord Ponsonby sniffing the air. "You didn't by any chance stand in something down in the village?"
"No, M'lord."
Greg Sears arrived soon after and headed for the Scotch. "You don't mind if I have a drink, Ponsonby old boy?"
"Not at all, Greg, go for your life," but Ponsonby was preoccupied with the pervading odor.
"I say Greg, can you smell dog's doings in here?"
"Can't say as I can dear boy," said Greg. "I happen to have a heavy head cold."
"In that case, take a pinch of snuff," said Ponsonby.
Greg responded by taking two pinches and sniffing it up both nostrils.
"My God," he said. "You always get the best snuff. That's cleared my head completely and I can smell that dog's stuff now!"
