MyLaffs Joke #1789
QUESTIONS and ANSWERS:
Q: How do you define marriage?
A: A very expensive way to get the laundry done.
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Q: Why do policeman have bigger balls than firemen?
A: They sell more tickets.
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Q: How do you make a bunch of old ladies shout "fuck"?
A: Shout "BINGO"
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Q: Why does a prostitute earn more money than a drug dealer?
A: 'Cos she can wash her crack and sell it again
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Q: How can you turn a duck into a soul singer?
A: Put it in the microwave till its bill withers.
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Q: How do you reunite The Beatles?
A: Three more bullets.
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Q: What's the difference between Hitler and Alex Ferguson?
A: Both wasted millions but Hitler got further into Europe.
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Q: What's invisible and smells of dog food?
A: A pensioner's fart.
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Q: What do you get if you cross a Pit Bull Terrier with Lassie?
A: A dog that will rip off both your arms then run for help.
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Q: Why do seagulls have wings?
A: So they can beat New-Age Travellers to the rubbish tips.
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Isn't it a pity that the only people that know how to run the country are either cutting hair or driving taxi's !!!
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Q: Did you hear about the Irish fox that caught it's paw in a trap?
A: It gnawed off three of its feet before it freed itself.
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Q: What's seven inches long and begins with a "P"?
A: A shit.
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Q: What's got a big stomach and lives in the Himalayas?
A: The Abdominal Snowman.
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Q: What's the difference between cheese and men?
A: Cheese matures.
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Q: Why do farts smell?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.
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Dolphins really are intelligent. After only two weeks in captivity they can teach Americans to stand on the edge of their pools and throw them fish.
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A man walks into a chip shop and orders fish and chips twice. The shop owner says "I heard you the first time".
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Q: What's brown and smells of pine?
A: A turd in a
Radox bath.
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Q: Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
A: If they were small, round and white they'd be aspirins.
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Q: What is a clunt?
A: A man who runs out of a Chinese takeaway without paying.
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Q: How do you know you've passed an elephant?
A: You can't close the toilet lid?
