MyLaffs Joke #1473
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MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX

1: The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2: Nothing improves with age.
3: No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
4: Sex has no calories.
5: Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
6: There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7: Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
8: No sex with anyone in the same office.
9: Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
10: A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11: If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
12: Virginity can be cured.
13: When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
14: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
15: The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
16: Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
17: It is always the wrong time of month.
18: The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
19: When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
20: Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
21: Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
22: The younger the better.
23: The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
24: It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
25: Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
26: Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
27: There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
28: Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
29: Love is a hole in the heart.
30 If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
31: Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
32: Do it only with the best.
33: Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
34: One good turn gets most of the blankets.
35: You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
36: Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
37: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
38: Thou shalt not commit adultery..... unless in the mood.
39: Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
40: Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
41: Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
42: A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
43: What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
44: It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
45: Never say no.
46: A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
47: Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
48: Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
49: Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
50: A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
51: Love comes in spurts.
52: The world does not revolve on an axis.
53: Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
54: Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
55: Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
56: There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
57: Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
58: Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
59: "This won't hurt, I promise."
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