MyLaffs Joke #1410
THE ULTIMATE WHITE HOUSE JOKES
What help-wanted ad did Monica Lewinsky answer?
Be a White House intern and get a taste of the Presidency!
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There's a new Bill Clinton computer coming out soon.
It will have a six-inch hard drive, but no memory.
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Did you hear that when this scandal is over Monica plans to sell her story?
She said she would tell it Blow by Blow.
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Monica said she might as well be truthful now about Bill because she doesn't think she stands a chance of getting on the Presidential Staff again.
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She also said she was going to testify truthfully about Bill Clinton.
No way will she go down for Bill Clinton. Well, not again, anyway.
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What's Bill Clinton's C.B. Handle?
Haywood Jablowme.
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Why doesn't Bill pay retail price?
He prefers to dicker.
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Why does Monica Lewinsky have such puffy cheeks?
She's withholding evidence.
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Why is Bill Clinton's favourite White House room the Blue Room?
You can't corner anyone in the oval office.
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Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
To keep his ankles warm.
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From a recent interview with Bill: "I am sick and tired of all this talk about sex. I've had it up to here with sex... But, not recently."
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Why can't they prosecute Bill Clinton?
Monica swallowed the evidence.
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What's Bill's favourite garden tool?
A Blower.
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What did Bill say when asked if it was possible to make a hormone?
"I've done it lots of times, I just refuse to pay her!"
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What do the Nixon and Clinton administrations have in common?
A crooked Dick in the Oval Office.
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What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton desperately wants?
A dead girlfriend.
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Monica had just recovered consciousness after surgery and asked the doctor, "How soon will I be able to resume a normal sex life?"
The doctor looked puzzled and replied, "Oh, not very long?"
"Why do you find the question so surprising?" asked Monica.
"Well," replied the surgeon, "to be perfectly honest, I've never had a tonsillectomy patient ask me that question before!"
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What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?
A screwdriver turns in screws and Clinton screws interns.
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The White House scandal wasn't really Bill's fault. It was just something he got sucked into.
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Why does Monica refuse to play golf with Bill?
Because she's tired of his balls hitting her in the face.
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What's the worst thing Bill ever heard during sex?
"Honey, I'm home!!"
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The difference between Bill and his dog Buddy is that Buddy chases his own tail.
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Did you hear that Bill is supporting a new math curriculum in our nation's schools?
He wants everyone to know that 50 can go into 21 without getting five to ten.
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Bill was recently overheard complimenting Monica's appearance. "She's got the whitest teeth I've ever cum across!"
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What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?
When we want some dick in the White House, we just vote.
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How did the stain get on Monica's dress?
Clinton came across her in the Oval Office.
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What's Bill's new pick up line?
"Would you be interested in a position under the president?"
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If Monica was a bird, what kind would she be?
A swallow.
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Did you hear Clinton doesn't use bookmarks?
He just bends over the pages!
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Clinton to Monica: "I didn't tell you to lie in deposition... I told you to lie in THAT POSITION!"
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What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?
One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate lab.
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Aide (to President): Kenneth Starr sucks!
Bill: Well, send him right in!
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What was Clinton saying to Monica during their video hug?
"I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election!"
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Name of Hillary's next book: "It Takes A Village Idiot".
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Kenneth Starr finally found out what the distinguishing characteristic on Bill Clinton's penis was.
It was Monica.
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Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?
He couldn't give her a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.
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What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
They were both upset when Bill finished first.
