MyLaffs Joke #1392
THINGS LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIALS SAY:
* "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
* "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
* "Remember, when you gotta cuff 'em... nobody is your friend."
* "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
* "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?" (if you aren't a shooter, that is the average speed of a 9mm projectile (slug)).
* "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
* "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
* "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
* "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
* "God made tomorrow for the crooks we don't catch today."
* "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
* "Law abiding citizens sleep peacefully in their beds, solely because dedicated men and women stand ready to do violence in their behalf."
* "In God we trust, all others are suspects."
* "Just how big were those two beers?"
* "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
* "Law enforcement is not a spectator sport."
* "I know, I know, your kid is an honor student at the juvenile detention center."
* "I'm glad to hear the chief of police is a good, personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
