MyLaffs Joke #1045
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Guns don't kill people. Husbands who come home early kill people.
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There is a finite number of physicians that a population of fixed size will support. The same theory holds for teachers and engineers. However, this principle does not seem to apply to lawyers. The more you have, the more you need.
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Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department."
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Why did the lady go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
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Did you hear about the experimental line of Lesbian running shoes?
They're called Dike's, but they never sold very well, the tongues weren't long enough.
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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
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Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
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Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
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When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
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People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.