MyLaffs Joke #1004
PHILOSOPHICAL TRUTHS:
ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. --- English Professor, Ohio University.
ON MARTIAL ARTS AND METAPHYSICS
Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before.
ON HUMILITY
To err is human, to moo bovine.
ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a co-ordinate transform.
ON YOUTH
Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy. In a jar. On my desk. --- Steven King.
ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail. --- Abraham Maslow.
ON MATERIALISM
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
ON INFINITY
If you had everything, where would you keep it?
ON ECONOMICS
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
ON DATING
When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.
ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.
ON LITERATURE
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. --- Dorothy Parker.
ON EXPLANATION OF THE END
One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs. --- Robert Firth.
ON PROPHECY
The meek shall inherit the earth --- they are too weak to refuse.
AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
