MyLaffs Joke #811
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING MENOPAUSE
HOT FLASHES: You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
NIGHT SWEATS: The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed.
MOOD SWINGS: Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
MEMORY LOSS: You write post-it notes with your kid's names on them.
IRRITABILITY: Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home," and your reply is, "well, if it isn't Ozzie fucking Nelson."
SLEEPLESSNESS: The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.
FATIGUE: You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner.
MILD INCONTINENCE: You change your underwear after every sneeze.
SUDDEN WEIGHT GAIN: You need the 'Jaws Of Life' to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant.
DRYNESS: You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a hoist.
FEMALE HORMONE DEFICIENCY: You take a sudden interest in "Wrestlemania."
HORMONE THERAPY: You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales.
