MyLaffs Joke #797
LEGAL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS
Q: Do you know how to save five drowning lawyers?
A: No.
Reply: Good!
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Q: Why don't snakes bite lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
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Q: How can you tell the difference between an lawyer lying dead in the road and a hedgehog lying dead in the road?
A: With the hedgehog, you usually see skid marks.
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Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
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Q: What do you get if you send the Godfather to law school?
A: An offer you can't understand.
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Q: What do you get if you send a prostitute to law school?
A: A fucking know-it-all.
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Q: What do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean?
A: A great place to start...
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Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche?
A: The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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Q: Do you know why being a lawyer is the opposite of having sex?
A: Because it's all bad and some is worse.
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Q: What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A doberman pinscher.
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Q: Why are lawyers buried in deeper graves than other folks?
A: Deep down, they're much nicer people.
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Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.
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Q: Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A: Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't do, and a lawyer won't do?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
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Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A: A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two lawyers arguing over a penny.
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Q: What do you get if you beat the shit out of a lawyer?
A: An empty suit.
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Q: What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common?
A: Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth.
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Q: Why is it dangerous for lawyers to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?
A: The plumbers might connect the drain line to the wrong sewer.
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Q: What do you get if you cross a lawyer with a drunk pig?
A: Nothing. There are some things even a drunk pig won't do.
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Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: They're both squirmy, both live in slime, and only one in 250 million accomplishes anything worthwhile.
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Q: How does a pregnant woman know that she is carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?
A: All the information you need - but you can't understand a word of it.
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Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched during a campaign, they can rarely be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
