MyLaffs Joke #793
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LEGAL QUICKIES:

A lawyer was asked if he would like to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but would still be interested in taking the case.
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People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.
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The reason that there is a penalty for laughing in court is that otherwise the jury would never be able to hear the evidence.
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A jury is a collection of people banded together to decide who hired the better lawyer.
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Did you hear about the lawyer who stepped in cow dung, and thought that he was melting?
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Lawyers are safe from the threat of automation taking over their professions. No one would build a robot to do nothing.
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Lawyer: someone who makes sure that he gets what's coming to you.
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Four out of five doctors say that if they were stranded on a deserted island with no lawyers, they wouldn't need any aspirin.
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If builders built buildings the way lawyers write laws, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
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Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It's called Sosumi.
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Eternity: one lawyer waiting for the other.
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Lawyer's mother: "My son is a brilliant lawyer. He can look at a contract and instantly tell you whether it's verbal or written."
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"A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, any more than a good undertaker wants to finish the job and then have the patient sit up on the table." - Jean Kerr
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"There was a young lawyer who showed up at a revival meeting and was asked to deliver a prayer. Unprepared, he gave a prayer from a lawyer's heart: 'Stir up much strife amongst thy people, Lord, lest thy servant perish.'" -Senator Sam Ervin
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"A judge is a law student who marks his own test papers." - H.L. Mencken
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"An incompetent lawyer can delay a lawsuit for years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer." - Evelle J. Younger
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In this recession, times are tough everywhere, but in Chicago things are so bad that the Mafia had to lay off seven judges.
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