MyLaffs Joke #779
If Men TRULY Ran the World
1: Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the butt and a, "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
2: Birth control would come in ale or lager.
3: Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
4: On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.
5: St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
6: Garbage would take itself out.
7: Regis and Kathy Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.
8: The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle."
9: Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."
10: Tanks would be far easier to rent.
11: Two words... "Ally McNaked."
12: When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one, That's $10 off".
13: People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
14: Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
15: Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year.
16: Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
17: The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
18: It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
19: Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
20: When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
21: Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."
22: The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
23: "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
24: At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car.
25: Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
