MyLaffs Joke #770
WHAT I'VE LEARNED:
I've learned - that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned - that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned - that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned - that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.
I've learned - that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.
I've learned - that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned - that either you control your attitude or you will be offered medication.
I've learned - that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned - that money is a great substitute for character.
I've learned - that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.
I've learned - that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean you can't take advantage of them when they're passed out and naked in your bed.
I've learned - that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't have secret plans to move out.
I've learned - that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
I've learned - that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
I've learned - To say "Fuck them if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.
And it took a long time to learn this.
