MyLaffs Joke #680
TRIVIA
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
~~~~~
I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
~~~~~
I thought about making a movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust"
~~~~~
I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.
~~~~~
You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?"
Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"
~~~~~
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency.
I think you should write... A Good Doctor!
~~~~~
I thought about being rich and it doesn't mean so much...
Just look at Henry Ford, all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!
~~~~~
If you jogged backward... would you gain weight?
~~~~~
Wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?
~~~~~
I have decided that nostalgia is the VCR of our minds.
~~~~~
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!
~~~~~
You have to stay in shape! My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.
~~~~~
I'm not into working out! My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
~~~~~
Have you ever noticed... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
~~~~~
I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.
~~~~~
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
~~~~~
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
~~~~~
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
~~~~~
Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
