MyLaffs Joke #559
YOU MIGHT BE IN A REDNECK CHURCH IF . . .
1: The doors are never locked.
2: The Call to Worship is, "Y'all come on in!"
3: People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
4: The Preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" - and five guys stand up.
5: The restroom is outside.
6: Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
7: A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of".
8: In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "two calves."
9: Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
10: When it rains, everybody's smiling.
11: Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
12: A singing group is known as "The O.K. Chorale."
13: The church directory doesn't have last names.
14: The pastor wears boots.
15: Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.
16: The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer... and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash.
17: There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
18: Baptism is referred to as "branding."
19: There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
20: Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
21: You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your health.
22: High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot to howling.
23: People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
24: It's not heaven, but you can see heaven from there.
25: The final words, of the benediction are, "Y'all come on back now, ya hear!"
