MyLaffs Joke #353
SOFTWARE HELPLINE?
I'm currently running the latest version of 'GirlFriend' and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of 'DrinkingBuddies 1.0' forever as my primary application, and all the 'GirlFriend' releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.
I hear that 'DrinkingBuddies' won't crash if 'GirlFriend' is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay. 'Girlfriend' also seems to have a problem co-existing with my 'Golf' program, often trying to abort 'Golf' with some sort of timing incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with 'GirlFriend 1.0', but I thought I might see better performance from 'GirlFriend 2.0'. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with 'GirlFriend 2.0'. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run 'GirlFriend 2.0', and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly.
He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.
Shortly after that, I installed 'GirlFriend 3.0' beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shutdown for a while.
I very cautiously upgraded to 'GirlFriend 4.0'. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that 'GirlFriend 1.0' was still in my system. I tried running 'GirlFriend 1.0' again with 'GirlFriend 4.0' still installed, but 'GirlFriend 4.0' has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of 'GirlFriend' and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.
The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of 'GirlFriend', it is in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how 'GirlFriend' was totally "object-oriented."
A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of 'GirlFriend' to 'GirlFriendPlus 1.0', which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of 'GirlFriend'. He discovered that 'GirlFriendPlus 1.0' expires within a year if you don't upgrade to 'Fiancee 1.0'.
So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to 'Wife 1.0', which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with 'Wife 1.0' was because it came bundled with 'FreeSexPlus'.
Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of 'Wife 1.0' sometimes prohibits access to 'FreeSexPlus', particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, 'Wife 1.0' must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, 'Wife 1.0' came with 'MotherInLaw', which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.
I told him to try installing 'Mistress 1.0', but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling 'Wife 1.0', 'Wife 1.0' will delete 'MSMoney' files before doing the uninstall itself. Then 'Mistress 1.0' won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.
