MyLaffs Joke #349
LIGHT BULB JOKES
Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
Q: How many assholes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Assholes never see the light anyway.
Q: How many Ayatollahs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There were no light bulbs in the 13th Century.
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee.
Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1) None. It turned itself in.
A: 2) Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
Q: How many data base people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
Q: How many Thomas Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. He doesn't change them, he makes them.
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promply killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.
Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
Q: How many IBM engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
Q: How many IBM PC owners does it take to screw in light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adapter card first, which is extra.
Q: How many IBMers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A ...... consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".
Q: How many Japanese industrialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to make sure the new bulb is not foreign, one to change the bulb, and one to look into the export potential of the old bulb.
Q: How many jerks who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Change it to what?
Q: How many law professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Q: How many Lebanese does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to stage a suicide attack on the bulb and another to claim responsibility in phone call to the news media.
Q: How many magicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Into what?
Q: How many massage parlor attendants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Whatever number turns you on, big boy.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1) None of your damn business!
A: 2) Five. One to change the bulb and four to protect him from muggers.
