MyLaffs Joke #348
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STAGES OF LIFE

THE MALE

AGE - DRINK
17 -- beer
25 -- bourbon
35 -- vodka
48 -- double vodka
66 -- Maalox

AGE - SEDUCTION LINE
17 -- My parents are away for the weekend.
25 -- My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 -- My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 -- My wife is away for the weekend.
66 -- My second wife is dead.

AGE - FAVORITE SPORT
17 -- sex
25 -- sex
35 -- sex
48 -- sex
66 -- napping

AGE - DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 -- "tongue"
25 -- "breakfast"
35 -- "She didn't set back my therapy."
48 -- "I didn't have to meet her kids.
66 -- "Got home alive."

AGE - FAVOURITE FANTASY
17 -- getting to third
25 -- airplane sex
35 -- menage a trois
48 -- taking the company public
66 -- Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

AGE - WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 -- 25
25 -- 35
35 -- 48
48 -- 66
66 -- 17

AGE - IDEAL DATE
17 -- Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 -- "Split the check before we go back to my place"
35 -- "Just come over."
48 -- "Just come over and cook."
66 -- sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

THE FEMALE

AGE - DRINK
17 -- Wine Coolers
25 -- White wine
35 -- Red wine
48 -- Dom Perignon
66 -- Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

AGE - EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 -- Need to wash my hair
25 -- Need to wash and condition my hair
35 -- Need to colour my hair
48 -- Need to have Francois colour my hair
66 -- Need to have Francois colour my wig

AGE - FAVOURITE SPORT
17 -- shopping
25 -- shopping
35 -- shopping
48 -- shopping
66 -- shopping

AGE - DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 -- "Burger King"
25 -- "Free meal"
35 -- "A diamond"
48 -- "A bigger diamond"
66 -- "Home Alone"

AGE - FAVOURITE FANTASY
17 -- tall, dark and handsome
25 -- tall, dark and handsome with money
35 -- tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 -- a man with hair
66 -- a man

AGE - WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 -- 17
25 -- 25
35 -- 35
48 -- 48
66 -- 66

AGE - IDEAL DATE
17 -- He offers to pay
25 -- He pays
35 -- He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 -- He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 -- He can chew breakfast
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