MyLaffs Joke #321
bar

WORLD HISTORY - Part 1
The World According to Student Bloopers

"One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history' of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully and you will learn a lot" Yours, RL

The inhabitants of Ancient Egypt were called Mummies, and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. Early Egyptian women often wore a garment called a calasiris. It was a sheer dress which started beneath the breasts which hung to the floor. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birthmark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his 12 sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up onto Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomen, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines. Later came Job, who had one trouble after another. Eventually, he lost all his cattle and all his children, and had to go live alone with wife in the desert.

Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have had any history. They were a highly sculptured people. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns -- Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth said that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in the "The Iliad" by Homer. Homer also wrote "The Oddity" in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward for the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbours were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.

Eventually the Ramons conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlics in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying he gasped out, "Tee Hee, Brutus." Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Rome came to have to many luxuries and baths. They took two baths in two days and that's the cause of the fall of Rome. Rome was invaded by ballbearings and is full of fallen arches today.

Then came the Middle Ages when everyone was middle aged King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery with brave knights on prancing horses and beautiful women. King Harold mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings. Joan of Arc was burn't to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. And victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature. During this time, people put on morality plays about ghosts, goblins, virgins and other mythical creatures. Another tale was about William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

The Renaissance was an age in which more individual felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the Father of Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
bar

Back
Back To The Jokes Menu - 00301 to 00400