MyLaffs Joke #284
ODD THOUGHTS!
Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year.
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
I don't get even, I get odder.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but, never got around to it.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
I believe in youthinasia, and all the other continents.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
I am having an out of money experience.
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Not afraid of heights - just afraid of widths.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
Truism For Middle Aged Women -- Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies; They would put them down somewhere, and forget where they left them.
One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.
Amazing, you just hang something in your closet for awhile, and it shrinks two sizes.
Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.
Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it!
