MyLaffs Joke #109
Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:
YOUR CLOTHES
- 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your pregnancy is confirmed.
- 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
- 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
THE BABY'S NAME
- 1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
- 2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
- 3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.
PREPARING FOR THE BIRTH
- 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
- 2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
- 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
THE LAYETTE
- 1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
- 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
- 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
WORRIES
- 1st baby: At the first sign of distress -- a whimper, a frown -- you pick up the baby.
- 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
- 3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
ACTIVITIES
- 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Wing, and Baby Story Hour.
- 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
- 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
GOING OUT
- 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
- 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
- 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
AT HOME
- 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
- 2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
- 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
